Isaiah 59:12

"And they that shall be of thee shall build the old waste places: thou shalt raise up the foundations of many generations; and thou shalt be called, The repairer of the breach, The restorer of paths to dwell in."

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Why I Left the Church

                I come from a lineage of men whom have had incredible vision for the church of God – men who have sought to take the gospel to the unreached of America, the un-churched men that are so often written off by the church. They have sacrificed pride, jobs, and their own emotional states to try to see the things the Lord laid on their hearts come to pass; but the dreams and visions they held to have often been rejected. When my grandfather brought the town drunk into the church and began to disciple him, the church rejected this act of evangelism – my grandfather rejected the church. Similarly, my father has often offered great tools, teachings, and discipleship to churches that have instead held to centrality, popularity, and legalism over the true, gospel living my father proposed. I have watched the church reject these men, and these men fight to follow Jesus despite the opposition they recieved. From a young age, I figured I would fight a similar battle in my own life.

                Surely enough, this pain began knocking on my door. When I talked about doing missions among the poor and unreached, I was often discouraged by church leaders who told me I was “too passionate” and need to “slow down.” When I started doing ministry with my un-churched peers, I was told I needed to “submit to the local church” and “bring in a qualified adult to teach.” When miraculous signs began taking place in the midst of broken teenagers, religious leaders of the local mega-churches rejected the signs, wrote me off as a cult-leader, and instructed me to repent and stop preaching lies. Don’t even get me started on what I was told after I baptized someone! I saw what my fathers who walked before me saw, and began to feel what they felt – betrayal, control, pain. I desired so much to be qualified before these esteemed men so that I may have a commendable ministry, but I could never sacrifice my convictions and submit to a church program I deemed the Lord had called me away from! I was tired of fighting, tired of attempting to qualify gospel living to the church! So simply put, I quit the church.   
                I had a vision once in which the Lord began calling me out of the church: I found myself sitting among non-believers – they were cussing, gambling, drinking, and doing all those things which a “good Christian” would not participate in. My spirit was stirred – I began to share the gospel with them, and they listened. I sat among them, I ate with them, I even participated in their conversations – but this opened a door for the glory of Jesus’ salvation to be revealed in their life. The scenario started over. I again found myself among unbelievers, but this time not a table, a whole room. I was sitting alone – but my spirit felt compelled to share the gospel with this group of unbelievers. This time, instead of sharing a story, I pulled out my Bible, jumped on my table, and started preaching the Word. A few came near, and listened to my story – but most continued with their lives – the harvest was smaller than that of the first scenario. Finally, the scenario again started over. I saw all those same unbelievers which I had previously seen – but this time, they were below me. I was up on a stage, looking down upon this large, sin-ridden group of people. Someone walked over and handed me a diploma, I stepped up towards the ledge, and dutifully preached a pathetic message of repentance. Not one head turned. The only response I got was the occasional jeer to shut-up and go home. The vision ended and the Lord left me with this thought – what kind of impact do you want to make?
                Every step I have taken further and further away from a spotlight on the celebrity church show has compelled me to take further steps into the surrounding darkness of what appears to be kingdom anarchy. I have not found many believers in this place, though I have found I am not alone, but I have found Jesus – and I don’t plan to go back towards that spotlight. The further away I get, the clearer the truth of the gospel becomes – and the more I feel the need for its centrality.
                But my original move away from the church was not wholly pure. Although most of my motives were to see the kingdom of Jesus come and follow my Bridegroom, my decision had fragments and sections of bitterness, anger, and rejection. Although I was doing house churches and foreign missions and encountering Jesus in a very real way, often even driving by a church building would stir up emotions that any wise man would deem unhealthy! I had not compromised, I had stuck to the mission that the Lord gave me – but I still felt the sting of betrayal and the ever-lurking presence of bitterness.
                Jesus, set me free.
                “Why should ye be stricken anymore? Ye will revolt more and more: the whole head is sick, and the whole heart faint. From the sole of the foot even unto the head there is no soundness in it; but wounds, and bruises, and putrefying sores: they have not been closed, neither bound up, neither mollified with ointment.” –Isaiah 1:5-6
                This is how I feel – stricken – watching the body of Christ rebel against Jesus. I feel that our fruit makes Jesus sick – much like the church of Laodicea from Revelation three. The whole head is sick! The heart, the very mission of God that should compel us to do Church, is growing faint! And this body… there is no soundness in it! It is broken, full of sores and wounds that have not been closed! I feel like one of these sores. I have dedicated my life to follow the head, help move the body, and help repair breaches that have been made – but this church bitterness and brokenness has left me feeling like a sore upon the Body of Christ! This game of bitterness and brokenness seemed never ending.
                But hope was offered: “Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.” –Isaiah 1:18. I believe that this is a promise for the church, but only for those of us who will recognize our sin, repent, and follow Jesus. Jesus wants to heal the church; he also wants to mobilize the church! The things that were joined with this promise were the conditions to give up a pursuit of riches, repent for our sin, and start dealing justly with the widows, orphans, and poor!
                From first glance, this seems to take me back to where I started – seeing what I feel like needs to be done, striving to follow Jesus, and yet running into resistance with those who should most support me. But I came across a beautiful, liberating passage the other day – John 15, “I AM the true vine, and my Father is the husbandman. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away: and every branch that bears fruit, he purges, that it may bring forth more fruit.” Jesus is the TRUE VINE! He is the one who we all report to, without him, there is no life. And for all of us who dwell in him, if we are not following him, he just removes us. For some of us, that is a terrifying call to repentance. For others, it liberates us from having to prove ourselves before men, believing that we do not report to the hand or the foot, but to the head. And that the head will sever anything that prevents his mission from moving forward! We’re not called to flow in synch with the Body, but with Jesus, the Spirit, and the Head!
                I’ve got this issue. I feel I have this commission from Jesus; but for so long, I have tried to get that commission recognized from men instead of confirmed in the heavens. Jesus was rejected before men, but confirmed in heaven, and he accomplished the task he was given to complete! That really is all that I want – just to do the thing that God wants me to do and somehow not care about what men say about that! And the amazing part? Jesus did this without bitterness, without giving in to a spirit of rejection – he did it in purity, love, and grace! I’m no longer surprised that when I lay down my life to make a sacrifice for a ministry that is not highly esteemed in the church, many people are more excited about my death than my sacrifice! But glory to God, vengeance belongs to him! He resurrected my Lord, and he will resurrect me! I can be free from trying to qualify myself before men so that I can pursue following Jesus, but I don’t even have to feel bitter when they insult me! For once, I feel like I can move the way Jesus intended simply due to the fact that He is enough.
                I’ll finish with one final thought – sand. Sand is simply tiny rocks, hundreds of them, crushed and bunched together. Jesus told a simple parable at the end of the Sermon on the Mount about a foolish man who built his house upon the sand, and a wise man who built upon the rock. Truly, I say this to you – the modern church will often require you to build a ministry on many foundations that are not the gospel. You will be asked to build upon education, doctrines, age, experience, amount of people, number of books published, popularity, amount of souls won…etc. These, beloved, are sand. They are tiny, ground up pieces of truth that resemble the larger truth of the gospel but result in a foundation that is far from stable. Jesus told us that the greatest commandment is to love God and love your neighbor as yourself – and that everything else will be fulfilled if we could just do these two things. For so long, I have built a foundation that has been laid partly on the gospel, and partly on my individuality, my acceptance, my popularity, and my success. I’m tired of trying to build a church on tiny rocks, I want the real thing! I want Jesus! The Gospel! The love that forms this solid rock I can surely stand on! Let us beware of these subtle qualifications, these whispers of bitterness or rejection, these desires to please man – let’s stop playing church, and let’s follow Jesus.
                I’m in the process of being set free. Free from bitterness, shame, guilt, people-pleasing, rejection, and free to follow the convictions the Lord has laid on my heart. I’m free to follow Jesus, free to love God and love man, and free to quit the “church game” for good. May these realizations only serve in liberating the reader to serve Jesus without feeling like they must find a man-made avenue to do so – there is but one advocate between God and man, one avenue by which we receive our qualification, our anointing, and our voice – and that is Jesus – our Lord, our Savior, our King. Jesus is enough.              


               

Thursday, February 9, 2012

The Pharisee Anarchist Debate

“The foolishness of God is wiser than the wisdom of men; and the weakness of God is stronger than the strength of men.” -1 Corinthians 1:25
                Pharisees and anarchists – these, are what I deem to be the two major sub-groups of Christian leaders in the modern-day church. One puts emphasis on education, one on relationships; one seeks to qualify individuals, the other believes all are qualified; one believes in apologetics, the other in emotions. You’ll find most of your Pharisees at your local seminary; while anarchists tend to start house churches and small groups – and although these two are brothers and sisters in Christ, there is, at times, so much tension between the two viewpoints that it seems as if this Heavenly family may split!
                Now, for the most part, house church anarchists and mega-church Pharisees get along pretty well – so long as they stay separate and don’t talk about their view points. Most people involved in the anarchist church movement are only slightly abandoned to the idea of traditional church education, leadership development, and organized Sunday-services. And most traditional church Pharisees are only slightly legalistic – believing in essential doctrines, program-development, and seminary training. Each side points out the flaws in the other – when one says, “You’re too man-organized and mind-driven to allow the Spirit of God to reign!” The other replies by saying, “You’re too emotional and ‘spirit-lead’ to have any foundational truth upon the Word of God!”
                Now, the argument is just a big game until the leadership gets questioned – then emotional wounds start to go deep. The house-church movement often accuses the traditional church leadership of being manipulative, controlling, mind-driven, and ultimately unfit to practice biblical Christianity. Even if these accusations are not spoken, they are often implied and thought – how worse of an attack can one brother wish upon another than that they would be unable to live out biblical Christianity? But the fault is not just on the brothers who have separated themselves from the traditional church, many leaders that have gone through seminary, organized discipleships, and other leadership-qualifying Christian education accuse house church leaders of being ill-prepared, under qualified, rebellious and unfit to teach and share the gospel message! Another damning attack that tells any uneducated Christian they will be unable to fulfill the great commission.
                Now, this argument often strikes chords within most people who have been at all involved in Christian leadership – and I’ve been on both sides of this argument – far left, and far right. Once upon a time, I was the guy that wrote papers on Baptist history, read KJV only, and disqualified anyone who believed differently than I had been taught in discipleship lessons. However, I migrated to the side that started disqualifying anyone who did believe in Baptist only heritage, KJV only Bibles, and thought that discipleship was necessary for church leadership. And I’m not even trying to say I’ve figured out the perfect way to go in this blog post, I’m just trying to resolve some of the conflict within my own head!
                Due to my fickleness in church crowds, I have found that both sides have a lot to offer the church. There are often a number of great resources produced from each side regarding church development, there are great spiritual truths that are grasped more fully in some circles than in others, there are usually movements to reach certain unreached people groups, and almost every church I have been to that isn’t practicing heresy is striving to accomplish the great commission! What more could you ask for? Truly, it is not the desire for truth and biblical Christianity that causes us to lash out against one another, but fleshly pride that believes we have found a more perfect thing. Beloved, did not Jesus say that there is only one good – the Father in heaven? Our ways are not, cannot be good! We should spend our time edifying, and qualifying one another! There are people who cannot be reached but for a house church, and there are those who cannot be reached but through the institutional church. God has destined each one of us for a purpose to accomplish, he has set us apart for good works, and he has qualified all of us as heirs with Jesus! Who are we, who am I, to tell a co-heir with Jesus that they are not qualified to work in the harvest field?
                Brothers and sisters, the foolishness of God is wiser than men; His weakness is stronger than man. Truly, if the Word of God tells us that the things we do in our flesh is nothing compared to the weakness and the foolishness of God – why do we spend so much time exalting our agendas instead of the cross of Jesus? Let us remember, in the areas we are weak and foolish together, but rely on the Lord, He will receive his due glory. Please, let us strive to encourage, love, and spur one another on toward love. Follow your convictions, listen to Jesus, but let us respect one another.
                Beloved, you are qualified to fulfill the great commission. It is not my job to tell you by what means you need to do so – please, follow Jesus and do what he says. If you are striving for something that does not work, seek the Lord in prayer, search the scriptures – Jesus has qualified you through his death and resurrection, surely He will also guide his church.
                Thank you, Jesus, that you love us enough to see past our exalted, pride-filled flesh. Help us to love one another the way that you have loved us, to die to ourselves, and to fulfill the commission you gave your Bride while you continued with us on earth.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Please, Don't Lock Me Out!

                Most of us have been here before: I remember riding with my parents as a little kid down into some of the worst parts of Kansas City – or should I say, through some of the worst parts of Kansas City. We would be driving along some road, coming up to some stop sign, when I would hear the all-too-familiar click of the car doors locking. My father would go on to explain how we were in a “bad part of town” around people who “do bad things.” I would then typically look out the window to see cold, stoned, drunk, poor, disabled, and different people standing at a bus stop – just living their lives. They looked scary. They looked weird. Some even looked like they might hurt me or take advantage of me if they had the chance.  Naturally, it made sense to lock the doors – I felt safer. I didn’t make eye-contact, didn’t play my music too loud – nothing to draw attention to myself from these strange, ghetto people.
                That was then… and through most of my life growing up. Every once in a while, I’d feel a tug of sympathy in some deep place in my heart - a little voice whispering, “That’s me.” But before I could follow the voice to its source, I was driving away, moving on, and those ghetto people would again be forgotten.  
                I haven’t given any of this much thought. I’ve moved on with my life – growing up, growing older, and growing in my faith. Jesus eventually called me to live among some of these ghetto people, to feel what they feel, and experience the troubles they experience. My wife and I don’t have much: we do our laundry at a laundry mat; I ride the bus to work; there's the occasional fights in our neighborhood; the occassional sighting of a drug-deal; and there’s quite a bit of foot-traffic – we’re part of it! Needless to say, it’s a different lifestyle. Living this way has been a new, interesting experience – but it reached a new height the other day as I was taken back to that childhood experience of mine.
                I ride the bus – I’m that man that stands at the bus stop looking poor and cold. And I was standing outside waiting for my bus the other morning, as a sweet, little family drove by – reminding me a bit of my homeschooled family of the past. I thought about them – I bet they were Christians, they had that spirit about them, they looked well-dressed, their kids well-taken-care-of – I bet they even homeschooled. These thoughts were spinning through my head as this family pulled up to the stop-sign next to my bus stop. I wanted to give them a smile, maybe even wave – but my excited eyes were met with cold, judgmental stares. The children gawked at me as if I were some creature; the mother seemed too frightened to even look my direction! And finally, the father of this well-meaning family met my eyes with a cold stare that said, “Stay away from my family, you creep,” and then he did the inevitable – click – locked doors.
                I was shocked. Hurt, even. They drove off leaving a trail of judgment that made me ashamed to be a Christian! I knew who I was! I certainly had no intentions of harming them. I know that the father of this little family was just trying to protect his wife and kids, but he, in this process, brought what I would deem an unnecessary act of separation between his safe, Christian world and me! Did I really look that frightening? Was it just because I stand at a bus stop in the ghetto? I don’t even think my part of town is that bad… If I didn’t have confidence in who I was in Jesus, I would even be tempted to feel ashamed of myself, my neighborhood – to feel undeserving of anyone who lives a lifestyle that is nicer than the lifestyle that I live! Or maybe just to feel that they don’t want to have anything to do with me – they don’t care about my own world, my own struggles. What if I ran into them in a church building? Could I introduce myself as “the guy you locked out of your car” – would I be less scary in their safe, church environment? Would I even want to stay at such a place? Yes, this small, insignificant action made me feel this way…
                I don’t deem to accomplish anything profound through this blog post. I don’t even mean to condemn those who lock their doors in the ghetto. I just want us to remember our perspectives may not always be right. Jesus told his disciples they would be blessed when the “clothed him when he was naked, fed him when he was hungry, and gave him drink when he was thirsty,” they were dumbfounded, “when have we seen you, Jesus, in any of these states of desperation!?” “Surely,” Jesus said, “Even as you have done it unto the least of these brethren, you have done it unto me.”
                Let us remember we constantly carry the presence of Jesus and the church with us wherever we go. Locking out a poor, hungry person from our car may as well be locking them out of our lives, the life of the church, and maybe even the life of Jesus. I’m not beseeching you to do something crazy, but I’m asking you to remember that those people on the side of the road may actually be Jesus… or me! And the actions and attitudes you show and have towards them may not only impact their eternity, but the blessing you receive from Jesus as well.
                And please, don’t lock me out.